As a single Christian woman who is hoping to get married someday; I do a lot of research on the subject of finding the right mate. I read books, blogs, articles and anything I can get my hands on, on the matter. What is important to me is how I go about this in a godly manner as opposed to the world’s way of doing things.

Obviously, the path one follows from a Christian perspective is very different from the world’s view. In the world, anything goes; women give their all to men in the hope that in the end he will slip the ring on her finger. I should know; I’ve been there. But I thank God that He opened my eyes to His truth and His way of doing things.  

One of the disadvantages for us as women is that we are not initiators. Guys have it easy on this one. When a man decides it’s time to marry, he searches around and when he finds the one he feels is ‘the one’ he takes action. So a guy has control over when he marries (unless of course, he hasn’t found ‘the one’ yet). With us women, the initial stages of this whole process totally exclude us. All of the literature I have read so far strongly advise women not to initiate. I agree wholeheartedly with that, but that leaves us with one problem: we have absolutely no control when it comes to when we marry, if we ever do marry!

So what is a girl to do? Apart from praying and living a life that is pleasing to God, there is little much we can do. Again, all the resources I’ve gone through on this matter do not advise being forward. Say for instance, you notice a brother in the Lord who you feel would be good husband material. The world would say, go for it girl! Dress provocatively, get in his circles, make yourself noticeable (whatever that entails) or if you have the guts, tell him straight out that you’re interested.

But for those of us in the Kingdom, that is no way to act. Besides, all the Christian guys I’ve spoken to, say they don’t rate a woman who initiates as marriage material! Neither is one who dresses immodestly, or shows desperation! So sisters, we find ourselves trapped in a corner!

However, there is one piece of advice I stumbled upon that resonates within me and which I am taking; don’t make this whole thing about finding the right mate, make it about being the right mate. So work on yourself, especially your inner being (after all we are spiritual beings) so that when a man is in search of a wife, you may be in his scope. I know it seems that we ladies get the short end of the stick, but hey it is what it is!  

Unfortunately, if you are reading this hoping I would give you the answers then you’re mistaken. A lot of uncertainties exist when it comes to the subject of mate selection. First off, how far is God involved in the process? Will He ‘show’ you your mate in a vision? It is not uncommon, in fact I have heard of couples who met that way. Will He guide your way while searching for a partner, and if so how does He do it? How much leeway does He give you with regards to your own preferences? How do you know when it’s God talking to you or just your own thoughts and feelings?

As you can see, the process leading up to marriage is not as clear cut as one may think. I certainly don’t have the answers. I was just tabling an issue that’s been on my mind lately. I shared all that I’ve written above so could I introduce you to a resource which I believe will be of help to all singles out there, both male and female. It is a free, downloadable file geared towards helping born-again singles find the right partner. I’ve read it myself and it has cleared up some issues and has been very enlightening. It deals with the issues of friendship, dating, and courtship and how to tell whether he/she is the right one and so much more.

Here’s the link to the resources and I hope you enjoy them:   

Any thoughts or comments on what I’ve put on the table?  


(Pssst… I also cover this issue on my upcoming book, so watch the space!)