When my first Christian romance ended, I was crushed. When the second one followed suit, I was stunned. The third time around, we didn’t even get around to a first date. I just knew how it would end and didn’t even entertain it. When you have been rejected enough times, you can tell pretty quickly when you are in a situation that is about to repeat itself.
I guess what made these break-ups all the hard to figure out was that they were Christian relationships. I didn’t go out with unbelievers; these men were my brothers in the Lord. In my mind, I had this belief that a relationship between believers would not fail. How could it? We were of one mind, right? So you can imagine my shock when these scenarios kept playing themselves out in my love life.
It has been said that whenever something bad keeps repeating itself in your life, you must look for the common denominator and once you have located it, you have located your problem. So I looked at my love life. In all these relationships (even the ones that were not even initiated) there was only one common denominator; Mpumi! So, the problem was Mpumi! So I went crying to my Creator. I bombarded Him with questions: “What is wrong with me? What have I done wrong? What am I not doing right? Why do men keep rejecting me??”
I have always said, and still maintain that one of the ministries of the Holy Spirit that I love the most is the ministry of comfort. Beaten, bruised and scorned, when I laid my head on the bosom of the Comforter, I was made whole. And it is on His bosom that the Lord started showing me what the problem was. I love the dialogues that the Lord and I have. Sometimes, He doesn’t come right out and give me the answer; He sort of wants me to come to the conclusion myself and only then confirm His findings; He is not called The Teacher for nothing.
After I had poured out my heart, pain and frustration to Him, the conversation continued something like this:
God: So you figure it’s all your fault.
Me: It must be, ‘cause I’m the one who keeps getting rejected.
God: Why do they reject you?
Me: You know why.
God: I want to hear it coming from you.
Me: I won’t sleep with them.
God: Why won’t you?
Me: (amazed) How can you ask me that!? You know why!
God: Just tell me why!
Me: You said not to!
God: Where did I say that?
Me: (shouting in exasperation) IN YOUR WORD!!!
Me: So you’re gonna go silent on me now, huh!!
And He remained silent. And that dialogue kept going round and round in my mind. What was He trying to tell me? What was I missing? Until He quietly whispered in my spirit; “THEY ARE NOT REJECTING YOU, THEY ARE REJECTING ME!!” I tell you, it was like a lightning bolt had struck me! I ran to my Bible and searched until I found Luke 10:16 “…whoever rejects you, rejects me…”
I would love to continue with this article, but because of the longevity I have to stop right here…for now. Be sure to catch the second installment of this series as I expound further on what the Lord revealed to me with regards to rejection.